The Acronym Guys
by SparklySlushie
Summary: So, in the summer, I had gotten turned down by the girl I just so happened to fancy. Well, I hadn't exactly asked her out per se, but, for the sake of my ego, let's just say I did . . . It's her fault I didn't! Sequel to He's Really Cute!


**Disclaimer **_(for Chapters 1-2)_**: **Not mine. The End.

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I was missing dinner for _this._

Tugging at my yellow and black tie to loosen it some, I watched as the fire was happily eating – poor choice of words on my part – its logs as I listened to the pleasant, yet also annoying crackling with Newspaper Parker sitting on the settee next to the chaise I was occupying. And _yes,_ he is commonly known as Newspaper Parker throughout Gryffindor Tower because of his hobby of collecting – what else? – newspapers.

I asked him about it once, and he told me that when he was younger, he and his mum used to read through them together and colour in the black and white funnies just to make them brighter. He told me they began to do this activity after his parents got divorced up until his mum passed away a year ago from complications from being in a car accident.

After he told me this, I felt I could relate to him since I knew what it felt like to lose a mum (and a dad), but still have someone who cared for you; mine being my grand-mum, his being his dad, so I began to talk and hang out with him more when I noticed he didn't have a lot of friends, that being because of his poor socializing skills. But don't think it was out of pity, once you get past his shy nature and weird hobby, he was a pretty cool bloke. And, getting to know him, I learned he was two years below me (making him a Fifth Year), a clumsy person, – though anyone within a ten foot radius of him could notice that since he could trip over his feet, stairs, and most recently, _air _it seemed – is allergic to anything with nuts, and was expecting a younger sibling through his dad and step-mum.

"So, what are you doing here, Teddy?" he asked me, looking up from his newspaper to glance at me. "How do you even get our password?"

"Honestly, I have _no _idea whatsoever," I answered the first question truthfully as one of Parker's eyebrows rose up and his blue eyes looked amused and curious. "And three of my best mates are in Gryffindor; how do you think I got the password?"

"Ah, I was wondering why you would miss out on dinner, but I thought it was because of Linda and what happened during lunch." He flipped the page of the newspaper. "Oh, and I wasn't aware that my fellow Gryffindors were just telling anyone our password."

"Hey, it wasn't _my_ fault she decided not to listen to me when I told her I wasn't interested," I defended myself. Parker scratched his head, making his black hair a bit messy before looking from the newspaper to me again. "And they don't tell _just_ _anyone_, they tell me." Parker laughed.

"What exactly happened?" he asked. "I missed lunch to make up a test in Charms."

"Then how'd you hear about it?"

"People talk, Teddy, that's how rumors are spread."

"Well, I'm sitting with Victoire –"

"– Seems you're spending a lot of time with her, eh?" Parker interrupted; I could just hear the smirk form on his face. Curse me for smirking so much and getting him in the habit of it. And so what if I was steadily spending more time with her?

"– at the Ravenclaw table," I went on as if he hadn't cut in, "when she sauntered over and sat next to me. I was reaching for a sandwich when she asks me to Hogsmeade, but I – _very_ nicely, should I add? – turned her down, telling her I didn't feel the obvious way she felt about me, and tried to reach for the sandwich again. Then she grabs my face in between her hands and tells me that I would soon see what I was missing, and tries to kiss me." I pause for dramatic effect, but mostly so I could catch my breath. "I didn't know what to do, so some quick, smart thinking –"

"– I think you mean quick, _rash _thinking –" Parker piped up. I glared at him though it was partly true.

"– causes me to snatch up my goblet and drink some, trying to ward her off. Well, it didn't; she just grabbed my goblet, threw it carelessly – she spilled it on some Ravenclaws, by the way, so we -that being me and the wet Ravenclaws, oughta get revenge- aside and tries to kiss me again, so I-I spat all of the juice in my mouth out onto her face. It was either that, or put my hand in her face, and even _I'm_ not that rude, you know?"

Parker laughed again. "What'd you do after that?" he asked, his newspaper still open to the section he had been reading, but was now on the table, long forgotten.

"It got pretty quiet after that, and I felt frozen to the spot watching as she sat stiffly in her seat, most likely feeling like me and not knowing what to do. Then, from the Gryffindor table, I notice some movement and see Chad had stood up and was making gestures for me to get my arse out and out quickly, which is what I did, but I didn't run because running would make it seem as if I was panicked, so I stood up, picked up a sandwich, bade Victoire a goodbye, and strolled out of the Great Hall."

"I can't believe that you did something as weak as spitting juice in her face, though you and your friends can somehow flood an entire hallway leading to Charms _just _because you forgot to study for a test."

"Those things take time, Parker," I said defiantly. "I only had so much time to think of something to stop her and her lips." We were quiet for a bit, the fire still going with its eating, making me wish I was down there happily eating and talking to my friends. Tired of the silence, I called out his name.

"Hm?"

"Do you reckon I owe Linda an apology?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, obviously, and I actually wondering about something else."

"What?"

"That through all of that, you still managed to say goodbye to Victoire." I grunted.

"What did you expect? For me to just leave the Hall without saying anything to her even though I was having a perfectly good conversation with her beforehand? I do have manners I will have you know."

"Yeah, I'm sure Linda loved you making her face all nice and sticky. So why are you in here now?" he asked. "Was I right in asking you were trying to avoid Linda?"

"Nah, I originally went down there to get something to eat, but I bumped into Chad and he ordered me to come straight back to the common room and wait for him, Aaron, and Hector." I sniffed. "And yes, she probably basked in the glory of getting some of my DNA on her face."

"And you followed his orders?" Parker looked surprised, not bothering to deign my other statement with an answer.

"Hey, I don't _follow_ his orders, I merely . . . _comply_ with them, though I didn't comply with them this time without making sure he would bring me back something to eat." My stomach growled a little, telling me it was hungry. "Why aren't you at dinner?" I ask, trying to cover up the silence besides the growling coming from me.

"I'm not really hungry." I looked at him in shock.

"You missed lunch and now dinner? How are you not really hungry?"

"I said I missed lunch, but I never said I didn't have anything to eat. Some people were leaving, but I went in anyway hoping there would still be some food, but there wasn't, so I turned to leave when someone stopped me, and asked if I had wanted something to eat before she gave me a bacon sandwich and some treacle tart she was saving."

"Hm, not a lot, but it should've sufficed up 'til now seeing as you went in a little late, so I believe you, but you should be hungry now, right?"

"If I get hungry later, you can just take me to the kitchens since you supposedly know where it's located."

"I do," I said, "but, back to important matters, maybe you should ask out that really nice girl who gave you some food, eh? I bet she likes you. Why else would a complete stranger come up to you and offer some of her food?" Parker smirked. Again.

"You really think I should?" he asked me before he picked up his newspaper.

"Yeah, why not? Well, you might want to get to know her first if she is a stranger, make sure she isn't some crazy . . . But, er, yeah, after that! You should!"

"Well, she _is_ pretty, and I highly doubt she's crazy."

"So go for it!"

"But I don't think you'd be most happy if I did."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why not?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes not leaving the print of the paper. "Because it was Victoire."

I stiffened slightly and saw Parker peer over his newspaper to look at me, another smirk on his face, but it could've just been the same smirk from before.

"W-Why would I not be happy if you did that?" I asked, wishing my voice hadn't stuttered at the beginning.

"Maybe because you fancy her?"

"Who said I fancied her?"

"No one, it was just the way you acted in general when with her or talking about her."

"And how is that?" I demanded.

"Like you fancy her."

I was about to comment on that, but the portrait opened to reveal the people I had been waiting for, and, true to his word, Chad had brought back some food for me. He, Aaron, and Hector came over, Chad and Aaron deciding to crash on the settee Parker was occupying a section of while Hector brought a footrest up to sit on. Since there were no people coming in behind them, they had probably come back early.

Tossing me a bowl with five pieces of roast beef, some bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, and carrots, Chad propped his feet up on the table in front of him, and placed his hands behind his head, leaning back against settee. "Teddy!" he cried, but I ignored him, hungrily picking up and biting into some roast beef. I nearly groaned it tasted so heavenly, but I didn't. It would've been strange.

He tried again. "Teddy!" I ignored some more. I could tell it was bothering him because out of the corner of my eye, I could see him narrow his eyes. "Fine, then I guess you don't want to know where we happened to stumble upon your food." This, naturally, got my attention. Swallowing the beef, I spoke.

"And where did you get this food?" Chad began to look a tad guilty. Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes.

"Well, when you came back down to us asking food and we shooed you away, we went and had an enjoyable lunch, didn't we, guys?" The other three nodded their heads, Hector going as far as rubbing his stomach to emphasize the point, and I saw Parker had, once again, set aside the _Prophet_ to listen to our conversation. I scowled at him, and he only shrugged in return. Chad continued, "Then, after dessert, the food disappeared as per usual, and I realized I – I mean _we_ – had forgotten all about you." I scowled again, but at Chad this time. I waited for him to go on, but he just stared up at the ceiling, his face blank.

"Er, do you want to continue?" I asked.

Chad turned his gaze from the ceiling to me and scoffed. "Hey, some storytellers need to pause for dramatic effect. And to catch their breath . . . Sheesh, this is why I don't read you anymore beddy-bye stories, did you know that?" He cleared his throat before going on. _"Anyway_, as I was saying, the food disappeared and I didn't know what to do. We briefly considered going to the kitchens, but they were pretty far away and we're just a bunch of lazy shits, aren't we guys?"

"Correction, _you're_ the lazy piece of shit," Aaron said.

"Uh huh, so if Chad's the only lazy piece of shit, why didn't you or Hector go to the kitchens?"

Chad smirked. "Yeah, I want to know why too."

"We were tired," Aaron said at the same time Hector said, "We would've been caught."

Looking at Hector, Aaron cleared his throat. "Yeah, we were pretty tired from all of the food and, really, a couple of Gryffindors snooping around down there? We could've gotten caught. I looked at Chad to see his reaction and saw he looked a bit put out they had come up with reasonable answers.

"Okay," I said slowly, "continue."

"So, we're walking back here ready to tell you the awful, horrendous news when this little blonde girl comes up to us. Couldn't've been more than a Fourth year. I asked her if she needed something and you won't believe what she tells us." He chuckled, "She smiled nervously and said, 'I noticed Teddy wasn't at dinner, and thought he'd be hungry' and she just thrust this bowl of food at us. Well, I being the lazy shit I am, I thank her and the boys and I get back and the story leads up to where we are now." He grinned at me.

"So you're telling me some stranger comes up to you -"

"– yeah –" Chad interrupted.

"– and she gives you some food for me –"

"– uh huh –" Aaron nodded.

"– and you didn't even bother to think about _checking _the food to make sure she didn't spike it or anything?" I snapped, tossing the bowl on the table.

Hector blinked. "What's your point?"

"My point is that you guys aren't a bunch of lazy shits - "

"– yeah, _Chad_ is the only one –" Aaron said quickly.

I ignored him. "– you're a bunch of _stupid fucks_!" Parker, Chad, Aaron, and Hector just stared at me before Hector began to guffaw, Aaron joining in while Chad just grinned again. "What?"

"Your hair looks pretty weird being red and short," Parker said, cracking a smile. I grabbed a lock of my hair and tried to look at it, but it was kind of hard so I made it longer and saw Parker was right, my hair had turned red. Red _did_ show anger, but I have no idea why it shortened. Willing myself not to flush, I quickly made it the first color that came to mind – brown – and made it a bit short again.

Even after I did this, Chad, Aaron, and Hector began laughing again. I glanced at Parker and raised my eyebrows and he shrugged. I guess it was official. My friends were idiots.

"What?" I barked after they kept on with their laughter.

"Just – tell him – already," Hector managed in between his gasping for breaths.

Chad pretended to wipe a tear of mirth from his right, brown eye. "I'm sorry, but that was _too_ easy. Teddy, there's nothing wrong with that food, okay? We went to the kitchen and get it, I promise." He even raised his right hand and took on a more serious expression. I gave one short, curt nod.

"The whole thing with the girl didn't happen then?"

"Oh, no, it happened," Aaron said. He had stopped laughing, but there was a smile on his face. "Right when we entered the kitchen we saw her. She asked the house elves for some food and so did we. She, of course, got her food order before us and walked over to a table farthest away from us to eat. Then, once we got our – really your – food we headed off but she stopped us and said those exact words Chad said and gave us some fudge."

"We didn't know what to make of it, so we thanked her and went on our way." Hector nodded.

"Come off it, how stupid do you think we are?" Chad smiled.

"Stupid enough," I mumbled, but Chad heard and his smile widened.

"Go on, eat the food. You know you want to," Parker cooed, causing Chad to chuckle some more. I rolled my eyes.

"Nah, I'll just be making my own trip down to get food, thanks."

"And you take me with you, right?" I suddenly remembered that I would show him where the Hogwarts kitchen was, so I grinned.

"Yeah, yeah." A question came to me. "What you guys do with the fudge?" Aaron reached into the pocket of his robes and pulled out a small, pink box. By the way it was decorated, I could tell the girl had been planning on giving it to me for awhile.

"We've yet to check to see it they've been spiked, but being lazy shits – oh, no, wait – being _stupid fucks _– " at that I smiled sheepishly " – we didn't feel like it. We're probably just going to chuck them in some rubbish bin somewhere." Chad leaned back against the settee once more and closed his eyes.

It was quiet for some time before Parker piped up. "Well, why'd you guys make Teddy come up here instead of getting dinner?"

"Yeah, why did you?" I asked suspiciously. Hector rolled his eyes.

"Linda was in there, and boy was she _mad_. Bet she would've tried to do something to you while you had your guard down."

"I wouldn't have had my guard down," I said defensively.

"Yeah, you would have. Who doesn't have their guard down while eating?" I sighed.

"Okay, okay, I believe you."

"Now that you ladies are done, I wanted to tell you about my latest plan." Chad's eyes opened and he sat up. Looking at Aaron and Hector, I could see clear confusion, meaning Chad hadn't told them. He probably did this so he could tell us all together. He was pretty smart for a git.

"Well, I'll just leave now." Parker stood, and reached for his newspaper, most likely going upstairs. I bet he was thinking this was just between the four of us, Seventh Years. I was trying to figure out a way to convince the guys to let him stay when someone beat me to it.

"Nah, Thomas, you can stay. I think I can trust you enough that you won't go telling anyone." Parker froze, staring at Chad with surprise all over his face, though I could see he was pleased as he took up the space on the couch again.

"You have our attention. Go before you lose it again." I stretched, getting ready for something stupid to come from his mouth.

"I was thinking, how about we set up a gossip table?"

"I was thinking that would be a – wait, what the _hell_? I looked at him incredulously, and I could see Parker, Aaron, and Hector all sporting looks of disbelief.

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**A/N: **Comments? Questions? Got a favorite line? Favorite character so far? Not enough humor? Spot a mistake? Criticism? Please, leave a review!


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